The Pottie Humorist Never Sleeps

I have some details to divulge to you for your gandering pleasure. At my place of employment which shall forever remain unmentionable, I have a coworker by the name of ***. Like me, he is a dry humored fellow and appreciates my long history of pottie humor. Please bear in mind we are adult men and keep it within a reasonable context: we do not belt it in public, we do not embarass ourselves, and we keep it within the soundproof room, heard only by our third coworker (who is the sole exception when it comes to offending for the sheer pleasure of it). Nonetheless, *** attends the restroom frequently. As a recurring gag, I have begun composing some short rhymes which would be akin to being seen on a restroom stall. Since I do not vandalize, I have chosen the next best outlet for my toilet stall expressions. Below are seven, short rhymes I have composed and texted to my friend ***. They will remain untitled and speak for themselves. Enjoy, if you are indeed sick.

Took a healthy* shite at work,
That way we don't go beserk
Cause when you try to hold the loaf
You ruin your mind and then your soul.
Sent 12/13/11 @ 12:45 pm

Food goes in and doo comes out
That's what eating's all about
Slimy, chunky, without farts
It's our human work of art.
Sent 12/14/11 @ 12:52 pm

Day three in the can I am
Squeezing out the snake again
Brown and with an angry hiss
Followed by a steamy piss.
Sent 12/15/11 @ 1:11 pm

If this keeps up, these dumps of mine
Perhaps one day, they'll come to life
With crackled bodies and pungent stink
With fibrous eyes and corncob teeth.
Sent 12/16/11 @ 10:24 am

Carrots and prunes and oats in a bowl
Made a concoction and flew out my hole
Then they grew weary of going down south
So they made a u-turn and came out my mouth.
Sent 01/03/12 @ 1:00 pm

I took a shat, I tore it wide
I tore a hole through space and time
Now here I sit beneath a tree
In 782, BC.
Sent 03/06/12 @ ???

Perched upon my porcelain throne
Relinquishing the corn and bones
An iron-fisted reign of thrusts
Alas, is ended with a flush.
Sent 03/13/12 @ ???


*sigh* May God have mercy on my soul.

*'shite' is spelled this way intentionally, as it is the more wholesome, Scottish way of pronouncing it.