Still awake

Thanksgiving is tomorrow.  It is by far my favorite holiday.  This time a year ago things were so much different.  I have now mourned the loss of three unborn children and I have to say this: it really makes you plead to God for a reason to assume life has a purpose when you can't even produce it like you're supposed to.  You truly find yourself in a place on your own, which no one else understands unless they are you, no matter how much they try to.  I dunno...this is just random.  It's just that tomorrow was going to be the rockingest Thanksgiving ever because we were going to break the news to everybody.  Not anymore.  And to top it off, you get to put on the thankful face for every other fertile friend saying they get to add to their lives while you just chipped away at a little more of yours. 
The thought of not having anyone to bury you one day is really messing my head up.
Other thoughts: you are on my mind more than you will ever know.  You are loved.