It is utterly impossible to feel a connection with my Creator without the presence of creation. The photo is one of me at Burgess Falls State Park just south of Cookeville, TN, taken last Saturday. The few times I manage to quarantine myself away from the "mankindness" of life, I am rendered heartbroken at the remorseful state my life has become as a direct result of failure to make this important connection.
Life is reaching a critical state for me recently. The ability to continue ignoring the danger signs has been greatly diminished, thus I am forced to take this drastic step of compromise by releasing a portion of my inner turmoil onto this blog. It is an other-people's-opinions-be-damned state I have reached. Oh well...
But with all the trite going on right now, I am dismayed at how little I even noticed the sky, along with its sun, moon, stars, clouds, and mists. Rather, they have been a nuisance: sunshine is no longer the giver of all life on earth, but it is the bright and painful thing that hurts my eyes when I step out of the unspeakable pit I work in at 9:20 a.m. each morning after hours of isolation. The rain is not a replenishing, relaxing language of the sky but it is a potentially life-threatening stalker each morning on the highways of death as I commute the 25+ miles to the place of my ruin. Even the moon at four in the morning is a mocking reminder of nights from my childhood that will never return. The entire point is, that the current state of life is intolerable. Absolutely intolerable. I am out of touch with creation, so it stands to reason I am out of touch with my Creator. On Saturday, I witnessed the dizzying terror of possibly plunging two hundred feet below into a giant, foaming cauldron in the earth and there is no paycheck, benefit, loan repayment, or promotion remotely capable of replacing that feeling.
Damn you, factory life. May you be damned to an everlasting, unquenchable fate in Hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment